worst day of my life

i've known for a long time that this moment would come. and all those tears that seemed to have come so easily seemed to have stopped. they will come again i'm sure, because although at this point i have a feeling of overwhelming numbness, it does not relieve me of a sense of impending heartache and turmoil that i know will come my way.

for the sake of a man i knew wouldn't hesitate to risk his life for me or give it in exchange of my mine, i pray that he's gone to a better place. and that in essence sums up how i feel. like i've lost one of my pillars. one of my life lines. and that i'm that much more vulnerable and lost without him. and i know that to be of absolute truth.

lao gu.

two words that will always pierce a hole in my heart when i think about it or say it out loud from now on, when it used to bring me such joy.

27 May 1944 - 13 April 2009

i will miss you.